I wrote this over two weeks ago and debated posting it because it is a little personal. But I think maybe it might be helpful for other people to read, as I found it really helpful for me to write.
When I was growing up, the most important quality a person could have was to be hardworking. This trait has translated well for me in school, in my career, in living within a budget, and has in general helped me attain a lot of what I want in life.
The one place where this trait has not served me well is in my love life. I think part of me, up until very recently, has thought that if I worked hard enough to get and then maintain a relationship with a good man that I would find ‘the one’, and maybe some additional happiness.
Sadly, life doesn’t work like this. True, there are many worse things than being alone and yes, you need to be happy with yourself before you go looking to get involved with someone else’s life. And I am perfectly content alone and really happy with where I am at in my life. Sometimes though, I just wish I could have that special person to share it with.
I keep reminding myself that people don’t find the right person because they deserve it or because they work hard for it or even because they want it more than someone else. From my vantage point, those lucky enough to meet that special someone early on in life should be really grateful. I’d like to think I would be.
I don’t want to discourage anyone from online dating. I have met some great people and have some great stories and experiences come out of it. But for me, at this moment, I have become discouraged about the process.
The way you have to look at online dating is as a fun way to meet people, not as a way to work hard to meet ‘the one’. Just because you go on five dates doesn’t mean that one of them will be good. Just because you send out a certain number of messages doesn’t mean you’ll get one back from a person you want to hear from. It’s not at all statistical or logical. I can’t work my way into love and if I am viewing online dating this way, I need to step back.
So while I am not closing myself off to dating, I have resolved to work way less hard at it, and that means getting offline for this very personal part of my life. I am opening myself to setups from well meaning relatives, to meeting someone at the grocery store, to chance.
Because I think I work hard enough, and I am happy to know I am no longer going to be working hard at something I have such little control over. And I think I will be an even better person to date for this.