This is what happens when Alice is gone and Nicole does graphics. I know, scary.

This is what happens when Alice is gone and Nicole does graphics. I know, scary.

Someone has hired you to do a job for them. Based on their goals and other factors, you’ve decided a way to do it and they’ve signed off on your plan.

Or so you thought.

Suddenly, they want to be involved in every little detail of the process. (Why are you using 14 and not 16 point font? Or my favorite: How long does it really take you to do that?)

It’s one thing to have clear (ideally scheduled) communication and answer an occasional question… but it’s another to have someone asking you ‘why’ at every step or needing to call you multiple times a day.

People who take it to that endearing next level are control freaks… or as they would call themselves, detail-oriented project managers. But when you are on that other end, these people can be exhausting to deal with.

I’ve come up with a few ways to stay sane, in business and life in general.

Head them off before it even starts.

Are there times I could really use some money? Yes. Is there ever a moment where I will consider working with someone who will be unreasonable? No. Because the second you say yes to that crazy person, something legitimate you actually want to do presents itself. And you can’t do it… because you agreed to work with Mr. or Ms. CrazyFace.

As with anything, the easiest thing to do is avoid working with control freaks to begin with.

What are some telltale signs someone is going to be a control freak?

  • Very focused on hours, right up front. Listen, I get that you want to get how much something costs but it’s the equivalent of asking me to go steady on a first date. Can we exchange some information first? 
  • Seems very particular but won’t offer specifics. They say they know what they want but when you ask them one or two basic questions (Have you looked into what software you want to use? When customers get to your website, what is the three things you want them to do?), they have no answers. Bonus points if this person thinks you are pumping them for information so as to ‘steal’ their multimillion dollar idea.
  • They can’t find anyone to work with them. “My graphics person took another job then my web designer moved away. And what’s weird is my freelance writer won’t return my phone calls.” One flaky person in someone’s life, I totally understand. Multiple people flaking and you should probably wonder why everyone is running away.

How do you subtly tell these people ‘no’ without saying no:

  • Force them to focus on what they specifically want before you speak with them again. ‘I’d love to see a list of criteria you see needing to be fulfilled during this project.’ Control freaks are often secretly insecure people who might not know how to answer this… and might not contact you back. 
  • Tell them you have a full plate and aren’t starting new projects for 2-3 months. If they want to wait, at least you know they are committed to working with you. Chances are if they want someone to boss around now, they will go find that other person.
  • Help them do it themselves. I’ve noticed people are less likely to boss themselves around then other people so letting them do it can be a good workaround.

So let’s say you head off the majority of control freaks (like we do). What happens if you find yourself working with one anyway? Here are a few tactics I’ve learned:

Force them to list everything and give it to you at once.

This does two things besides give you a bit of breathing room.

The first is it forces people to see how often they change their minds or how accidentally contradictory they are being. I want a modern website but I really want you to use this old timey font. I want my hairstyle to be edgy but I want it to look natural. By putting all ideas together and having a conversation, we can get to the heart of what the person really wants, an old timey looking website with bright colors, or a hairstyle of natural blonde highlights with chunky layers. Had they not listed out everything, we wouldn’t have gotten to that place where they could be happy.

The second is it’s usually easier to do batch changes, especially when they might need to be done in a certain order. If you have a list of things you want done to your website, it is much easier for us to log in and do them at once. This is partially a ‘while we’re at it’ issue and partially because one thing might effect other things you want done and therefore the order we should do them in. Ex: You want new kitchen cabinets and counters, you need to decide what you want for both before your whole kitchen gets ripped out so that as the bottom cabinets get built, they can accommodate your countertop.

Divert their energy to something useful.

If someone has a lot of energy they need to direct at a project but I need time to, say, work on the project, I need to give the client something constructive to do to help. For example, pick out the 50 best pictures for a slideshow of images. Or have them research x, y, and z to see which solution will work best for them so you can implement it.

This actually helps the project move forward and gives the person some decisions to make that have a direct impact. I like these kind of control freaks since they make my life easier by making some decisions I’d otherwise be making!

Know where it’s coming from. 

Sometimes, people are used to treating people badly to get what they want. These people are called rude, and it is important to not let rude people treat you in a rude way.

Ruling out the fact the person is an irredeemable jerkface (few people are), know where the control freak is coming from. Are they under the gun with a deadline? Did they have a bad experience with a different service provider and are now skiddish with you? Knowing where someone is coming from lets you put up with a certain amount of crazy (at least it does with me). Realizing it’s not personal is a huge burden lifted so get to the root of the controlling nature if you can. The best way to do this is to have conversations and get the person to trust you over time.

In short, control freaks are a lot like you and me: they want something great and they want to control the outcome of their lives. Give them things to do to help the project, make them outline all concerns up front and be patient with them. Control freaks help us think of new ways to work and can uncover unknown issues, so be thankful on a certain level this person is in your life… and will be back out of it when the project is finished.

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